II.
My First Lesson
bediently I teeter through the door under the watchful eye of my trainer, for such she has become. I am filled with the desire to do justice to my unfamiliar role and succeed in reaching the great baluster of the stairway. I grip it as a swimmer holds to the side of a pool when learning to swim.
Placing my feet carefully upon first step, I concentrate, place all my weight on the heels. The straps of the slippers are tight and prevent my foot from sliding forward into the shoe. I achieve the ground floor and sense the cold hard surface of the marble.
I rest and catch my breath. I must make a graceful entrance and stand before my mistress reverently, as the maid had done. Breathing is a little hard in my silken corset; I seek my composure. Then I advance resolutely, for I am awaited.
I come to the entrance, step forward and with my gloved hand turn the door knob. Opening the door, I furtively observe the familiar figure of my lady mistress reading at the lamp. I turn to close the door, with as much elegance as I can currently muster, turn again and stand before my Goddess. I take half a step back with my right leg, which I bend slightly. Bowing, I avert my gaze from her face to the floor.
I hold my position for some time, thinking my mistress had not observed my entrance. Finally, I venture to peer up through my veil and see that my lady is observing me with a fixed gaze. My hands are at my side and I feel my thighs through the stockings. My knees are touching and I am balancing precariously.
"Well, child, I can tell you that you are indeed beautiful. Sally is to be congratulated. I hope you behaved yourself under her skillful hands. Come now, let me see how you walk in your pretty slippers."I carefully advance some three paces toward her and resume my reverence, not daring to look up.
"Poor child. I know you have so much to learn, as you surely will. For from this moment you shall be my 'Little Rose' and will learn all the graces ordinarily reserved for ladies. Come here, child, and kneel before me."
I move slowly to prevent falling and take a long step, bringing down my right knee and then my left, assuming the attitude of a supplicant, for I am indeed begging for forbearance with my awkwardness.
"Come forward to be kissed, darling."
I shuffle forward on my knees, sensing the rough nap of the carpet. In tears of fear and joy. I bury my head in my lady's hands, knowing this to be the moment of truth in my young life.
My lady takes my chin in her hand and kisses my lips through the veil.
"I shall explain to you the purpose of the veil, dear Rose. It is to smooth your once manly cheeks. In time, I shall teach you cosmetics and then you may indeed pass for my dear little daughter. Did you hear me, child? You are to be my little girl and study beauty in everything. When you have passed the test, you shall wear pretty dresses and serve me in public ways. But do not fear for your native sex, dear child - you shall be at times my little man child, at others my little girl. Yet you will always delight in the feminine, which will become your true nature. As a young man, you will forever be my dependent and rejoice in my service. As a young lady, you will rejoice in your beauty and guard your virginity."
Rose puts his palms together as a token of his understanding.
"You are really very pretty, my dear, and I shall gild the lily by pinning this little rose corsage at your left breast."
This she does and kisses me again.
"Now, let us play a little until it is time for dinner. I want you to practice walking and then learn to fetch me things as I command.
"Get up now!"
I rise.
I essay to walk elegantly, when Madame orders me to stop.
"Rose dear, this will never do. I have a device which will guide you in your walking." Madame rings for the maid.
"Sally, dear, we have a little time before dinner to train our boy to walk. I want you to get the Walking Machine."
"Yes, Madame," replies the maid and leaves the room with a curtsy.
I stand there, facing the wall, waiting and wondering. What is this Walking Machine and how will it train me to move gracefully in high heels?
Presently, I hear behind me the rolling of an object, perhaps a table, into the room.
"Rose! You will now submit to instructions from your nurse, Sally. Proceed, Sally, with the instruction."
"Yes, my lady," says Sally. "Turn around, little Rose, and give me your attention. This walking machine will give you balance. You must learn to walk gracefully in your pretty slippers. Do you understand? You may call me Miss Sally."
"Yes, Miss Sally. I am prepared for your instruction."
I look upon the device, beautifully worked in the finest wood. From the side it is shaped like an "H", about my height, with two horizontal bars. The lower bar is padded and at the height of my crotch and the upper, which has a kind of collar in the middle, is at the level of my chin. The two vertical bars rest on pairs of wheels, and attached to the front vertical at a convenient height is a set of handlebars. "Very well, then," says Sally. "This rolling device is for you to stand in. See, I lower this bar padded in the middle. You will straddle the bar which I shall raise to a convenient height. Do so now."
I bend down under the two handlebars and raise one leg over the padded bar. The bar is then raised and secured so that my crotch presses down upon the padding. With my legs straightened, I rest my legs on the heels of my slippers. Nurse then secures the bar front and back so that I ride it like a stile. She adjusts my scrotum free of the stile. I maintain my balance by gripping the handlebars.
Now, the nurse secures the collar on the top horizontal bar around my neck and adjusts the height of the bar so that my head is stretched in place. My chin is thus held high, my posture erect and proud.
"Now, my child, you will walk and move about the room, guiding the machine with your hands. Do so now!"
Thus, fixed in position, I walk forward, passing before my mistress, turning and walking back. The machine rolls with greatest ease and steadies my body at the neck and at the crotch. If I miss my footing it is painfully disciplinary.
Thus, I was trained like a horse in the stocks for what seemed like a long time. I accommodated myself to the machine in order to avoid riding the bar and so learned how to walk in my new foot gear. With practice it would come to feel as if I were a part of the machine.
"Very well for now, Sally," spoke my mistress. "Remove Rose from the machine and take him to the dining room and teach him to serve. I shall be alone tonight. Commence dinner when it is ready."
"Yes, my lady," replied the maid.
So I was disengaged from the machine, which was removed. I stood quietly while the nurse did this, and observed that my mistress had returned to her reading and dismissed me from her mind.
I thought to myself that my veil would prevent me from eating just as much as serving the dinner would.
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